About 3 weeks ago I had a doctor's appointment for Sina to assess whether or not she was autistic. Going into the appointment I was nervous as hell honestly. Would they see what I see? Would they tell me I’m making her behavior a big deal? So many questions flooded my head, but I was also relieved that we were finally about to get some answers. The testing was actually more chill than I expected it to be, and I actually enjoyed watching the process. Nevertheless, after almost two hours they had answers for us. Sina Rai was diagnosed with Level 3 Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Hearing the diagnosis out loud was rather affirming for me in the fact that now I couldn’t stop feeling like I was crazy. I was relieved to know that now I could figure out just exactly what kind of help and support Sina needed. They saw not just what I saw as I watched my daughter grow but they also noticed things that I didn’t even pick up on. I assumed that my daughter was learning to communicate normally because she was able to pick up words surprisingly fast, like scary fast you guys. Well, they also told us that Sina is a child who communicates through immediate echolalia and that we would have to teach her over time how to communicate in a normal flowing conversation versus echoing what she hears. I will say I was surprised that she ended up being level 3 but the doctors said they felt with early intervention Sina would excel just fine.
They sent us home with folders full of info and resources and as soon as the next day came, I hit the ground running. Thinking about how many calls I made the rest of that week even now is so draining. As the week went on and the calls continued, I quickly lost my feeling of relief and became overwhelmed. I called three different ABA’s, First Steps, Dept of Mental Health, Psychiatrist, Speech Therapist, Social Worker, etc. By the end of the week, I was on the phone with my mom falling apart from all the human interaction I had just endured. The reality of just how much help my daughter will initially need and the frequency hit me. I never imagined she’d be in therapy every day and for hours at a time. I’m a single mother and the thought of it all instantly made me panic. How are all the other single parents in the world managing? There’s no in-home partner to tag team and handle these daily obstacles with me. Granted I can’t imagine it’s a walk in the park just because you have two parents in the home, but I just imagine that it makes things a little smoother. So, realizing just how much taking care of an autistic child entails, being that I myself have my own mental disorders, just completely broke me down for a moment. I felt defeated as to how I would provide for her financially and yet be dedicated to her therapy process. I let my tears flow and all the stress from that week leave me. I had every right to feel how I felt, but I also knew that I was dedicated to my daughter's growth and that no matter how difficult things may get we were going to figure it out. My resilience has always been my strong suit, so I’ll lean on that quality to help me through this journey
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